I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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