i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
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Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
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You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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