I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
