I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
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