I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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