I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I need to align my fucking chakras
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize