you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
