At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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