The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
