she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
