So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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