Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
