Swine flu. Run for my life!
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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