I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
