i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize