Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
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