I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize