Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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