ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
