The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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