I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
