I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
