don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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