If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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