Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
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