He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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