i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
