I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
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I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
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He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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