You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
