YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
We had sex on a dog bed..
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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