So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
