remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
