i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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