So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
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In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
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I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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