I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
