i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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