Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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