Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
