I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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