This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
