you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
