Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
