Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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