there's paper in my vomit.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
