Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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