Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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