dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize
