please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Randomize
