It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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