This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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