I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
