If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
