I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
