Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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