So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
