I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I supernannyed him into submission
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
