sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Still dying that you shit outside
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
