sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Randomize
