We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
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just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
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Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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