you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
