Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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