Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
