I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
