I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
