i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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